"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
The teenage years can be tumultuous - for both the teens and their parents. Raging hormones, increasing independence, and the pressures of peers and society can create a perfect storm. But it doesn't have to. As parents, we want to guide our children through this challenging phase, but often feel ill-equipped for the task. How can we steer them toward becoming faithful, responsible adults?
First, we must approach the teen years with prayer and patience. Our children are not toddlers anymore and cannot be controlled through boundaries and rules alone. They are developing into young men and women, seeking to understand themselves and their place in the world. We must have open discussions and really listen to gain insight into their thoughts and motivations.
This doesn't mean we become permissive parents. Expectations around school, chores, curfews and the like should still be enforced. But we also have to choose our battles wisely. Argue every little thing and our teens will tune us out completely. Focus on instilling core values like honesty, kindness and accountability. Pray for wisdom to recognize which issues are hills to die on and which are not worth the fight.
Heather and I have really liked the Parenting Funnel concept.
There are some influential books on the subject by Gary Ezzo and Robert Buckham, M.D.
Our children also need to see that we practice what we preach. Do we display the faith and integrity that we demand from them? Teens have finely-tuned hypocrisy detectors - we cannot just talk the talk. We must model the godly behavior we wish to see in them through our speech, actions and priorities. An authentic, consistent walk with Christ is the greatest testament we can offer.
Additionally, we cannot pour from an empty cup. The stresses of raising teens can drain us emotionally, physically and spiritually. We must be intentional about self-care through rest, solitude, fellowship with other believers, and time in the Word and prayer. An anxious, depleted parent cannot provide the unconditional love and wise mentorship that teens require.
Finally, we have to prepare them for life after the teen years. Our job is not just enforcing rules, but equipping them with the tools for independence. This includes hard skills like finances, home maintenance and job readiness. But it also means nurturing their ability to think critically, set boundaries, persevere and respond appropriately to life's inevitable disappointments. Most of all, we want our children rooted in the Truth that will be their anchor when the winds of early adulthood start to blow.
The road ahead is not easy, but be encouraged, parents. Though our efforts often feel futile in the moment, God can use our faithful presence to shape our children's lives in profound ways. With prayer, wisdom and grace, we can walk alongside our teens and prepare them to become devoted Christ-followers. In His strength, we can run this race well.
I believe in you!
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